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"Just Miss Having You Around, Pops"
I pray you had a wonderful Memorial Day weekend. We took some time off since Memorial Day marked the first day my dad visited the emergency room.
I apologize for the delay in adding new things to the site. It has been an extra-ordinary year to say the least. Besides managing the day-to-day feelings of my father's passing, we've experienced many losses, some of which I've openly shared, while others I've been private about for personal reasons.
Part of my delay in adding new reflections is the amount of emotional energy it takes to share my thoughts and pen them to "paper." Often it takes me a few days just to get one new reflection down and then, afterwards, I feel both an emotional drain and a sense of catharses.
I assure you that I will continue to write and add to the site. Many of you have e-mailed me expressing how the site is being used and I'm continually amazed at how well the site is being found, especially since I haven't done much in regards to getting it positioned within the search engines. I've already been notified that a couple in China has been using the site to deal with their own sense of loss (I wasn't given specifics, however). I'm touched that God would choose to use the site in some sense as a form of healing for others.
When I launched the site, I wanted to continue the immense impact my father had on so many lives...well, at least, to some degree, share his story of how unique he was. He was and still is quite inspiring. I am continually learning more about his life and find his imprints throughout my daily activities.
Just over the weekend I was sharing with my brother Kristian how wide and diverse of an audience my dad had influenced. But even if he didn't touch that large a number of individuals, we know he touched his three son's lives. I told my brother that my desire to one day be a faithful and loving husband as well as a committed father to my children is even stronger. Furthermore, I shared that as difficult as it is to accept that dad isn't with us any longer, that maybe this stronger commitment was part of the gift he left us, especially when family values seem menial and quite undermined in this time of our history. He shared the same sentiment.
As I shared above, yesterday (Memorial Day) marked the beginning of the one year anniversary of when my father first went into the hospital. I still remember that night as if it was last evening. We were sitting at the dinner table and, after a few days of coaxing, dad finally decided that he needed to go to the hospital because he was having a difficult time sleeping due to his incessant coughing. I went with him down to the emergency room and we spent a good part of the evening there. As I sat there waiting, nothing ever crossed my mind that what we would find a week later would change the course of our lives forever.
We left the hospital with the understanding that he had an infection in his lungs and that it was treatable. I remember bringing my exhausted father home about 1:45 a.m. and then went back out to the local drugstore to get him his prescriptions. Again, nothing ever crossed my mind that his symptoms were caused by something far greater than a cough, or at least something that would end his life in a few weeks. I was obviously wrong.
As we begin to reflect upon the one year anniversary, I ask that you remember us in prayer. Each day we remember him. Each day we still walk in some form of disbelief that it really is true. The pains still feels quite fresh and is very close to our hearts.
Saying that I miss my father pales to what my family and I experience each moment of every day. We long to talk with him, to hear his voice, or sense his presence again. Our desire to be with him again only grows as the calendar days move forward.
Although it's almost one year since my dad passed, we still need your prayers. We thank you for your continued support.
The eldest son,
Justin