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"1st Fall Without My Father '03"

Fall is surely here. About a month ago, I was working in my father's office and I had the window open. As I was working, a gentle breeze wisked across my face. Immediately, I had to stop because it reminded me of my father. Just when others began complaining about the changing weather, my father was the first to share how excited he was that the cold air was upon us.

He loved it. Change was something my dad thrived on. It reminded him of the holidays, warm fires, watching great movies together, and simply being with his family. Interestingly, my brother (Kristian) came home that evening and said the air was much colder also and that it reminded him of dad. He said he could hear him say, "it's cold enough for a fire tonight."

If we really think that home is elsewhere and that this life is a 'wandering to find home,' why should we not look forward to the arrival? - C.S. Lewis

These past few months haven't been easy for us. I wish I could say that things are better and that normal life has somehow returned; it simply hasn't and never will. Some days are easier than others, while other days bring about an immense feeling of pain and loss. Throughout each day, you sense a certain "numbness" underneath your activities and I'm not sure that will ever go away. And with the holidays encroaching upon us, those feelings of sadness only get stronger.

We continue to ask for your prayers. This is a very unique journey for us and we know it will be with us for a lifetime. We continue to walk forward with times of falling backwards. In the movie, "What About Bob," the main character is urged by his therapist to take baby steps to deal with his daily struggles. I believe that same advice applies to us also. Thankfully we know our God is with us and he walks alongside us.