letters i've written my father since he passed away

So often I wish I could just sit down with my father and express what's on my heart. To not have the opportunity to share my thoughts and feelings with him is quite a loss for me. That unique interchange of a father speaking with his son, and a son with his father is in my opinion a very sacred moment.

I can see how easy it is for anyone to take for granted those times of being in the presence of someone special. But it was always exciting to be with my dad. I'm certain that my living away for many years increased my desire to spend more time with him, even if it came in small amounts. He was great at listening to me. He always mirrored back what he saw and heard and then gave me his opinions. I always could trust that his feedback would honest. As one of three sons, he was always more concerned with our growth than he was telling us what we wanted us to hear.

Meanwhile, where is God? This is one of the most disquieting symptoms. When you are happy, so happy that you have no sense of needing Him, if you turn to Him then with praise, you will be welcomed with open arms. But go to Him when your need is desperate, when all other help is vain and what do you find? A door slammed in your face, and a sound of bolting and double bolting on the inside. After that silence. You may as well turn away. - C.S. Lewis (A Grief Observed)

To say that I miss my dad is such an understatement. The void you feel - for lack of a better word - huge. And then to explain it to someone else can be equally as frustrating. It's like having something within you that you want to accurately convey, yet no matter how many times you try to express it, the person still doesn't understand what you're talking about.

This section allows me to share some of these intimate letters with you. And although expressing my heart in written form can be emotionally draining, I've found much fruit in writing what's lodged deep within my soul, even if no one understands what I'm really saying. With the many lonely conversations I've had, there are times I feel that urge to sit down and write my father a letter. Even if I can't read them to him, maybe he knows my heart. Perhaps I'll have the opportunity to - when we meet up in eternity - to share these thoughts and feelings with him. I miss you, pops...I really do.

Note: You may notice two different dates. The dates you see below refer to when the letter was posted. The dates found within the letters refer to when they were actually written.

  1. Two-Year Anniversary 7/17/05 neW!
  2. June Letter 6/19/05 (Father's Day Letter)
  3. April Letter 4/1/05
  4. Thanksgiving Letter to my dad 12/1/04
  5. Cousin's wedding in Florida 11/28/04
  6. October Letter 10/10/04
  7. September Letter 9/25/04
  8. Happy Birthday Mom 8/13/04 (Letter I wrote my mother for her birthday)
  9. One Year Anniversary 7/17/04 (Letter I left at my father's graveside)
  10. Happy 36th Wedding Anniversary 4/21/04 (Letter to my mother)
  11. Letter to My Father 3/14/04
  12. Seven Months 2/2/04
  13. Five Months 12/17/03
  14. Two Months (9/17/03)

TOTAL

14